In My Brain Today

The belief that human thought

is the highest form of intellect

is terrifying!

 

No wonder so many people

live in fear.

 

Two Months and Heart-Sick

What is it about the death of some

that brings out the worst in people?

It only took a few hours

for some

 to make my dad's passing

all about them.

It has been two months since he left

and I have witnessed enough ugliness

in people

to last me a lifetime.

It has left me feeling

heart-sick.

My parents had forty years together

before my mom passed away.

Each one carried "baggage" to their relationship

which at times

 threatened to destroy them.

Yet they persisted.

Together they

encountered ups and downs;

experienced losses and triumphs;

shared successes and failures;

had struggles and enjoyed comforts;

shed tears and reveled in laughter.

They had two children

and six grandchildren

and

 for forty years,

 they worked hard.

And though the behavior of others

has made me heart-sick

and one would attempt to steal

 all my parents worked so hard for,

I will focus on that which 

  can never be taken

and will always remain ~

a Lifetime of

Memories.

 

 

 

The End of an Era

Four years, two months and twenty-three days

after my mom passed away;

on November 30, 2014,

my dad went to join her.

 

 

I have gone through the last month in a bit of a haze

and can barely account for the time.

I know (and am glad) that Christmas is over

and have realized that as this year comes to an end,

so ends an era.

 

I have never thought that my parents would live forever,

but never did I think that they would be gone while 

I was still in my forties.

 

 

Neither one of them will be present at any more holiday gatherings.

Neither will attend any of my children's weddings.

Neither will be here to meet my grandchildren.

 

I am now the sole source,

 to my children,

 of family stories, timelines

and oral histories

(gosh, I hope I keep it all straight).

 

I am now solely responsible for making

holidays fun & memorable

and for continuing on with family traditions

(I hope I succeed).

 

And though I know that countless others

have become orphans at a much younger age than I have,

it is still strange to fathom.

 

But life is what we make it

and

2015

will be the beginning of a 

new & wonderful

era.

 

 

Happy New Year

 

A Little Kindness

On November 13 I received

a text message that went something like this,

"I love [Girl1] (my oldest daughter)...

and in her cute little shop...and the way her face lights up and

answers, "yes!' to the question, does she like what she is doing,

hair...and her talent in that area,

her dreams for her future...

what a precious young woman.

Not having seen or been around her for so long

it was even more noticeable, her wonderfulness.

It is God who created her, who she is,

and her responses and choices have shaped her life...

but obviously you and (hubby) did a lot right

in parenting and teaching her by example what love is...

it is such a refreshing blessing to know her.

And...thanks for posting on FB, suggesting her services.

I would have not thought to go to her...so am very thankful you did."

November 13 was World Kindness Day.

And this message was a great kindness paid to me by a loving

person who doesn't only claim to be a friend on social media

or who pays lip service to the word "friend" but

who demonstrates it by purposefully spending a few moments of her days

uplifting and encouraging people.

Though it may seem small, simple or insignificant to others,

every kind thing we do matters greatly to some one.

I realize that being kind comes naturally to some

and not to all.

But when it comes down to it,

we each make the choice to be kind or not.

I hope that, some day,

we all make the choice to be kind.

Truth Is, I'm Tired

It's ironic that when I started this blog,

 I did so with the intention of posting 

daily thoughts, ideas, anecdotes, etc from life 

but have failed, epically, to do so.

For whatever reasons,

this fourth year without my mom has been difficult for me

and the truth is, 

I'm tired.

 

I am tired of being concerned about other people's feelings

while forsaking my own.

I am tired of forcing my family to do things they don't want to do.

I am tired of people being rude to my husband and children.

I am tired of being the pursuer of relationships.

I am tired of struggle.

I am tired of fear.

I am tired of snarky attitudes.

I am tired of meanness, unkindness, hatred, intolerance and injustice.

I am tired of abuse.

I am tired of the expectations people place upon people.

I am tired of people taking offense at the "drop of a hat".

I am tired of consumerism, commercialism, materialism and obsessions with money.

I am tired of lies, falsehoods and manipulation.

I am tired of politics.

I am tired of shallowness, selfishness and self-centeredness.

I am tired of people not listening to other people.

I am tired of those who want to live in the past

rather than embrace the future.

I am tired of being told what to do and what to think.

I am tired of being judged for living, thinking and believing outside the box.

And I am tired of being around those who think it is their purpose to be that judge.

I have only just realized that

over the past year, I have unconsciously and slowly,

been removing things from my life which are toxic

and distancing myself from the things which exhaust me.

I simply do not have the energy to deal with them any more.

This life is not about what our culture has made it about.

I have not been the person that I was designed to and WANT to be.

I have allowed culture to influence who I am 

rather than remaining true to my REAL self

who is - 

kind, sympathetic, empathetic, accepting, loving and real.

I am tired of being tired.

And from now on am going to focus my energy on being

who I REALLY am.

We were all created to be free

and I am going to live as free

regardless of who likes it or not.

Who knows,

after this little rant

maybe I'll actually begin sharing about my journey

on a daily basis.

Then again, maybe not.

HA!

Sunrise

Beautiful #sunrise on this #Halloween morning. Have a fabulous day! #northernnevada

Thoughts Sparked by Observances of (some) Atheists



I have always known God.

I feel him, I hear him, I see him; indeed, I know him.

Never, in my forty-something years, have I ever felt judged by him.

Sadly, however, I have been judged by people who have claimed that their judgments were from God.

But since I know him, it doesn’t matter to me what others say.

Unfortunately, though, this is not true for everyone and what others say does greatly influence some.

In my (recent, limited) observances of some atheists; that is, listening to and reading some of their thoughts and ideas, I have seen that their rejection of God (or the existence of God) actually has little (if anything) to do with God and has (mostly) to do with other peoples’ portrayals of him.

A great number of those who claim to know God the best have created bizarre cultures of loud, intolerant, unloving, judgmental fanaticisms. Some bear the name of the one they claim as their founder; some bear the names of those who actually are their founders, some claim to be the True Saints, some claim to be True Witnesses, some claim to be God’s (only) Chosen People and some claim that all others are infidels.  And all of them say that if you don’t “believe” as they do, you will definitely perish (somewhere).

And there are plenty of people who belong to these groups who will love to throw verses at me from the holy book of their choosing in order to defend their view. And they may do so all they’d like because my thoughts are not based upon belief in any book. Rather, my thoughts are based upon my relationship with and knowledge of God.

Oh, there once was a time when I was lured into one of these bizarre cultures by a desire to “belong”; or probably more honestly accurate, by a desire to be “right”. And sadly, I have likely been guilty of turning people away from a belief in or turned people off to the notion of God because my portrayal of him was grossly wrong. For that, I am truly sorry.

But one of the amazing things about God is that he is perfectly capable of repairing that which people have “ruined”. In fact, he is perfectly willing and glad to do so.

Though I imagine he absolutely does not like what humans do to humans and that he abhors evil, he does not worry and fret over things (us) the way that we imagine he has “commanded” us to do to each other.

I do know that he absolutely, completely loves each one of us; atheist and bizarre fanatic alike, and I would wager that his intention has always been for us to know him and that in doing so, we would love, encourage, uplift and strengthen one another.

God is always kind, loving and good. And if what you’re teaching, preaching, evangelizing or ranting about  is contrary to this, then what you’re teaching, preaching, evangelizing and ranting isn’t about God at all.