Truth Is, I'm Tired

It's ironic that when I started this blog,

 I did so with the intention of posting 

daily thoughts, ideas, anecdotes, etc from life 

but have failed, epically, to do so.

For whatever reasons,

this fourth year without my mom has been difficult for me

and the truth is, 

I'm tired.

 

I am tired of being concerned about other people's feelings

while forsaking my own.

I am tired of forcing my family to do things they don't want to do.

I am tired of people being rude to my husband and children.

I am tired of being the pursuer of relationships.

I am tired of struggle.

I am tired of fear.

I am tired of snarky attitudes.

I am tired of meanness, unkindness, hatred, intolerance and injustice.

I am tired of abuse.

I am tired of the expectations people place upon people.

I am tired of people taking offense at the "drop of a hat".

I am tired of consumerism, commercialism, materialism and obsessions with money.

I am tired of lies, falsehoods and manipulation.

I am tired of politics.

I am tired of shallowness, selfishness and self-centeredness.

I am tired of people not listening to other people.

I am tired of those who want to live in the past

rather than embrace the future.

I am tired of being told what to do and what to think.

I am tired of being judged for living, thinking and believing outside the box.

And I am tired of being around those who think it is their purpose to be that judge.

I have only just realized that

over the past year, I have unconsciously and slowly,

been removing things from my life which are toxic

and distancing myself from the things which exhaust me.

I simply do not have the energy to deal with them any more.

This life is not about what our culture has made it about.

I have not been the person that I was designed to and WANT to be.

I have allowed culture to influence who I am 

rather than remaining true to my REAL self

who is - 

kind, sympathetic, empathetic, accepting, loving and real.

I am tired of being tired.

And from now on am going to focus my energy on being

who I REALLY am.

We were all created to be free

and I am going to live as free

regardless of who likes it or not.

Who knows,

after this little rant

maybe I'll actually begin sharing about my journey

on a daily basis.

Then again, maybe not.

HA!