Tuesday, December 30, 2014

The End of an Era

Four years, two months and twenty-three days
after my mom passed away;
on November 30, 2014,
my dad went to join her.
I have gone through the last month in a bit of a haze
and can barely account for the time.
I know (and am glad) that Christmas is over
and have realized that as this year comes to an end,
so ends an era.
I have never thought that my parents would live forever,
but never did I think that they would be gone while 
I was still in my forties.
Neither one of them will be present at any more holiday gatherings.
Neither will attend any of my children's weddings.
Neither will be here to meet my grandchildren.

I am now the sole source,
 to my children,
 of family stories, timelines
and oral histories
(gosh, I hope I keep it all straight).
I am now solely responsible for making
holidays fun & memorable
and for continuing on with family traditions
(I hope I succeed).
And though I know that countless others
have become orphans at a much younger age than I have,
it is still strange to fathom.
But life is what we make it
will be the beginning of a 
new & wonderful

Happy New Year


Saturday, November 15, 2014

A Little Kindness

On November 13 I received
a text message that went something like this,

"I love [Girl1] (my oldest daughter)...
and in her cute little shop...and the way her face lights up and
answers, "yes!' to the question, does she like what she is doing,
hair...and her talent in that area,
her dreams for her future...
what a precious young woman.
Not having seen or been around her for so long
it was even more noticeable, her wonderfulness.
It is God who created her, who she is,
and her responses and choices have shaped her life...
but obviously you and (hubby) did a lot right
in parenting and teaching her by example what love is...
it is such a refreshing blessing to know her.
And...thanks for posting on FB, suggesting her services.
I would have not thought to go to her...so am very thankful you did."

November 13 was World Kindness Day.
And this message was a great kindness paid to me by a loving
person who doesn't only claim to be a friend on social media
or who pays lip service to the word "friend" but
who demonstrates it by purposefully spending a few moments of her days
uplifting and encouraging people.

Though it may seem small, simple or insignificant to others,
every kind thing we do matters greatly to some one.

I realize that being kind comes naturally to some
and not to all.
But when it comes down to it,
we each make the choice to be kind or not.

I hope that, some day,
we all make the choice to be kind.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Truth Is, I'm Tired

It's ironic that when I started this blog,
 I did so with the intention of posting 
daily thoughts, ideas, anecdotes, etc from life 
but have failed, epically, to do so.

For whatever reasons,
this fourth year without my mom has been difficult for me
and the truth is, 
I'm tired.

I am tired of being concerned about other people's feelings
while forsaking my own.

I am tired of forcing my family to do things they don't want to do.
I am tired of people being rude to my husband and children.

I am tired of being the pursuer of relationships.

I am tired of struggle.
I am tired of fear.

I am tired of snarky attitudes.
I am tired of meanness, unkindness, hatred, intolerance and injustice.
I am tired of abuse.

I am tired of the expectations people place upon people.
I am tired of people taking offense at the "drop of a hat".

I am tired of consumerism, commercialism, materialism and obsessions with money.

I am tired of lies, falsehoods and manipulation.
I am tired of politics.

I am tired of shallowness, selfishness and self-centeredness.

I am tired of people not listening to other people.

I am tired of those who want to live in the past
rather than embrace the future.

I am tired of being told what to do and what to think.

I am tired of being judged for living, thinking and believing outside the box.
And I am tired of being around those who think it is their purpose to be that judge.

I have only just realized that
over the past year, I have unconsciously and slowly,
been removing things from my life which are toxic
and distancing myself from the things which exhaust me.
I simply do not have the energy to deal with them any more.

This life is not about what our culture has made it about.

I have not been the person that I was designed to and WANT to be.
I have allowed culture to influence who I am 
rather than remaining true to my REAL self
who is - 
kind, sympathetic, empathetic, accepting, loving and real.

I am tired of being tired.
And from now on am going to focus my energy on being
who I REALLY am.

We were all created to be free
and I am going to live as free
regardless of who likes it or not.

Who knows,
after this little rant
maybe I'll actually begin sharing about my journey
on a daily basis.

Then again, maybe not.

Friday, October 31, 2014


Beautiful #sunrise on this #Halloween morning. Have a fabulous day! #northernnevada

Friday, October 10, 2014

Thoughts Sparked by Observances of (some) Atheists

I have always known God.
I feel him, I hear him, I see him; indeed, I know him.
Never, in my forty-something years, have I ever felt judged by him.
Sadly, however, I have been judged by people who have claimed that their judgments were from God.
But since I know him, it doesn’t matter to me what others say.
Unfortunately, though, this is not true for everyone and what others say does greatly influence some.
In my (recent, limited) observances of some atheists; that is, listening to and reading some of their thoughts and ideas, I have seen that their rejection of God (or the existence of God) actually has little (if anything) to do with God and has (mostly) to do with other peoples’ portrayals of him.
A great number of those who claim to know God the best have created bizarre cultures of loud, intolerant, unloving, judgmental fanaticisms. Some bear the name of the one they claim as their founder; some bear the names of those who actually are their founders, some claim to be the True Saints, some claim to be True Witnesses, some claim to be God’s (only) Chosen People and some claim that all others are infidels.  And all of them say that if you don’t “believe” as they do, you will definitely perish (somewhere).
And there are plenty of people who belong to these groups who will love to throw verses at me from the holy book of their choosing in order to defend their view. And they may do so all they’d like because my thoughts are not based upon belief in any book. Rather, my thoughts are based upon my relationship with and knowledge of God.
Oh, there once was a time when I was lured into one of these bizarre cultures by a desire to “belong”; or probably more honestly accurate, by a desire to be “right”. And sadly, I have likely been guilty of turning people away from a belief in or turned people off to the notion of God because my portrayal of him was grossly wrong. For that, I am truly sorry.
But one of the amazing things about God is that he is perfectly capable of repairing that which people have “ruined”. In fact, he is perfectly willing and glad to do so.
Though I imagine he absolutely does not like what humans do to humans and that he abhors evil, he does not worry and fret over things (us) the way that we imagine he has “commanded” us to do to each other.
I do know that he absolutely, completely loves each one of us; atheist and bizarre fanatic alike, and I would wager that his intention has always been for us to know him and that in doing so, we would love, encourage, uplift and strengthen one another.
God is always kind, loving and good. And if what you’re teaching, preaching, evangelizing or ranting about  is contrary to this, then what you’re teaching, preaching, evangelizing and ranting isn’t about God at all.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Intentional Intentions

It is wondrous how when one focuses on the good things in life,
one finds that there's more to be thankful for than one had first imagined.
Living in a small town is tough and I
have not always been gracious with the community
here in this desert.
But my last two posts have caused me to
pause for some reflection.
I've realized that since moving to this desert,
I have met a handful of outstanding people.
People who have chosen to live intentionally;
who have learned to make their (good)
intentions known.
When opportunities for kindness arise,
these people step up.
They give of their time, energy, resources and love.
They give encouragement and
infuse others with hope.
It is interesting that we
(this handful of people and I)
all moved here within just a couple of years of each other.
We were purposefully led here for many reasons.
But the reason we all have in common is,
to show the community kindness, infuse it with hope,
and to reveal and manifest unconditional Love.
Thank you,
Jim and Sherry,
Ken and Elaine,
Marcia and Byron
for your love and for living intentionally.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Doubly Blessed

Yesterday I shared about a woman who had
 an impact upon my life with her simple kindness.
She was an active part of my life for a few months
but we didn't really know each other all that well.
But every time I think of her,
I pray for an extra blessing in her life
and I will never forget her.
After I finished that post,
I realized that I couldn't write about her
without sharing about another beautiful woman in my life.
She was a good friend to my mom and before she left
(passed away), I know that this wonderful woman
promised mom that she would
"look after" me.
We met her several years ago and it was "friendship at first sight".
She (and her husband) quickly became
an every day part of our lives;
 a part of our family and has remained so
ever since.
As my "other mom" she is faithful in keeping me and my family
in her thoughts and prayers, faithful with her kindness and encouragement,
faithful with her resources and energy.
She knows, truly, what it is to be a friend.
And like Donna, Elaine has had an eternal impact upon me.
I have been doubly blessed.
Often times we shy away from opportunities to show kindness
because we don't feel as if we have the time or energy that it requires.
We cannot be all things to all people,
but we can be that small thing to that one person.
Whether it's a passing kindness or a
decades long relationship,
we all have a part to play in the lives of others.
We each choose whether to act upon those opportunites for kindess,
or not.
Imagine what it would be like if, indeed, we each chose
to act upon every opportunity for kindness.
we would change the world.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Good Intentions

Years ago, in the midst of some difficult circumstances,
I met a wonderful woman who began a correspondence
and relationship with me.
We saw each other about once a week and were sometimes able to have
a few moments of private conversation.
And every week like clockwork, I received in the mail,
a beautiful card with a hand-written note of encouragement
along with her assurance that she was praying for me.
Not prayers based upon her opinion of what she thought I needed but
genuine, heartfelt prayers for goodness and blessing upon my life;
prayers for God to move in ways that he knew I needed.
Often times we have good intentions that we never follow through on.
If you're thinking (good) thoughts about someone, let them know.
Send a text message, email, card or note, or pick up the phone and call.
No one can know your intentions unless you make them known.
Sweet Donna, didn't know the details of my circumstances,
but she intentionally chose to share in my sufferings.
Her obedience in investing her time and energy into my life;
showing me love and support through her encouragement
(and even with her finances)
infused me with hope.
Never underestimate the impact of what a kind word
or gesture can have on a person.
Learn to listen and obey.
When you are feeling prompted to reach out to someone,
reach out.
When you are prompted to help someone,
help them.
Learn how to pray for others;
not imposing your will upon their lives
but asking God to bestow goodness and blessing upon their lives,
providing exactly what he knows they need.
If each person would put these simple things into practice
in their daily lives,
we would change the world.
Donna was intentional about her intentions
and it made all the difference in my world.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Human Being - Being Human

The human is an interesting being.
What makes us human?
Our physical body, obviously.
But what keeps the body alive?
Is it the heart, beating in rhythm,
keeping the blood flowing,
coursing through the body?
Is it the blood itself;
running the body like a well-oiled machine?

Or is it the brain which tells the heart to beat
so that the blood can flow?

 Science has evidence, if not proof, that the soul/spirit,
though invisible to the human eye, indeed exists.
It has weight, if only just a fraction of a gram,
which the human body is relieved of
immediately upon death.
So, perhaps, it is the soul/spirit which keeps the body alive.
We know that the body dies
and we (many) believe that the soul lives on

So, if we have been created in the image of God,
yet our human body dies,
one can reason that it is our
spirit-being rather than our
physical body which is the very image/replica
of God.
The realization of this blows the human mind
(realm of thought)
wide open.
The impossible no longer exists for those who see.
History records that while some of Jesus' disciples
were traveling, Jesus appeared to them, yet they did not recognize him
until he spoke to them.
Then again, when his disciples were gathered together for fellowship,
he appeared to them and they did not recognize him at first either.
When I was a child, I used to wonder at (about) this.
But now it makes sense.
The human eye looks for a human being,
but when we look spirit to spirit, we see so much more.
doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of such a realization.
It is liberation times liberation times infinity.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Ultimate Love

There seems to be countless
expressions, demonstrations, stages and levels
of love.
But when I think of LOVE,
ultimate Love,
I think about the very nature of our existence.
To have been given life with the ability to
think and reason
and with the right to
live and choose for ourselves
is to have received the manifestation of
ultimate Love.
To realize that we have already received the fullness of Love
by having been given free-will is to
realize that any kind of love with
boundaries, limits and/or conditions isn't
real love at all.
No other forms of love compare to the Love
which allows us complete and free access to the Giver of ultimate Love.
And once one experiences a true realization of this,
one can't look at the world the same way as one used to.
And this is a

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

The Best Thing I've Ever Done

I have always had a consciousness, awareness and relationship with God.
My earliest memories (from about the age of three) are of Him.
We hung out together all of the time.
And while with Him, there was nothing I couldn't know, nothing I couldn't do and nothing to fear.
He was my best friend.

But as time went on, as I grew and as people began to have an influence on my life, things began to change.
Other children laughed at who my best friend was, others rolled their eyes, and Sunday School teachers told me how I was supposed to view God and that He only hung out with certain people.
They "taught" me all of the things I had to do in order to be pleasing and acceptable to God.
I became task and works oriented, concerned about what people thought of me, a people-pleaser and obsessed with following the rules.
I became fearful of never being good enough, doubtful that I ever did anything right, suspicious of other people's motives, and skeptical of ever being able to accomplish anything.

By the time I was sixteen I was exhausted.
Up to that point I had always treaded lightly, followed the rules, got straight A's in school,
highlighted and memorized most of my Bible and was in the habit of making sure that those around me were happy (at least happy with me).

A little before my sixteenth birthday I met a man.
He was older, a bit unconventional and he made me laugh.
I was comfortable being around him and he encouraged me to be myself.
After I turned eighteen, this wonderful man and I married each other and have lived in marital bliss ever since.
But wait. The story doesn't end there. In fact it's not even the point.

To make a long story short(ish), after more than a decade of marriage, three children, some ups and downs, and a series of events, I began to examine myself, got to know myself a little bit and began going through some changes.
Then after a few more years, the hubby and I packed up everything and moved to another state, another culture in fact, and that's where things really "got real".

The term "soul searching" only scratches the surface of what I went through.
After several years of pain and anguish (mostly inflicted by others),
one day God (finally-ha) said to me, "Throw out everything you have ever been taught about me and allow me to show you who I really am".
So I did just that.

I threw out every preconceived notion, every rule, every sermon, every story, every theology,
every everything that anyone had ever "taught" me about God and allowed Him to speak and act freely and directly to me.
And it is the best thing I have ever done.

Gone is the guilt, fear, shame, doubt, suspicion, skepticism, judgementalism, self-loathing, caring what other people think, etc.
I am free from all of those things.
I am free to know and be myself.
I am free in my relationships with others and in my relationship with God.
I am free to live.
It has been several years now and I have just realized that I am back in that place, as when I was a little girl, where I have real, complete and honest freedom with and access to God; a place of peace and rest; that place where I know that there is nothing to fear and that absolutely nothing is impossible.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Live and Let Live

We all have a desire,
an insatiable need rather,
to know and connect with
that which is greater than ourselves;
the Great Spirit, Greater Being -
For millennia,
humans have been on a quest to figure out
how to garner favor and blessing
from God.
For the masses,
no amount of sacrifices,
good works,
or anything else
seemed to do the trick.
Then came Jesus
whose purpose and intent
was to show us that none of those things
are required nor qualify to
do the trick.
Rather, Jesus' very life was the
example, demonstration
and embodiment of
with God.
His death was to
dispel any thought for
or need of man's continued
striving toward God.
Through his own
real and personal relationship
with God,
he knew how best to live. 
And Jesus did not say,
"Appoint taskmasters, judge and police one another,
start a new religion, create theologies, evangelize or
convince everyone else that they need to think like you."
Rather, he said, "Everything I have said and done
has been from/of God.
My life has demonstrated that everyone has equal
access to God.
You have all been equipped to do all I have done
and MORE.
This is good news!
Go out and share it with the world."
And since everything that Jesus did was
kind, loving and good,
one can deduce that God is kind, loving and good.
And when one embarks on a personal relationship with God,
one finds that God is, indeed,
kind loving and good.
Yet, some how,
the clear simplicity of Jesus'
message has been missed.
Even today, people expend
time and energy
on coming up with uselss ways
 to "rightly" gain God's favor.
Jesus' message is
so simple,
yet so profoundly
We've all been created
and given the right to live our lives
as we see fit
(free will).
And we have all been given
full access to God
and have been thouroughly equipped
to accomplish things that have been deemed
as "humanly impossible".
This is good news!
So, while I live my life,
I will allow and
 encourage you
to live yours.
Live well my friends!

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Think for Yourself

When did thinking for oneself
become a sin?
I want to know.
When did our
right and privilege
of free-will
and thinking
become wrong?
At what point in history did
sharing wisdom from one's own
personal experiences become,
"If you don't act, think, believe, live or worship
like me then you're
an idiot...
 or going to burn in hell"?
And when did all of this
 become acceptable?
"Think for yourself
and take a stand!
It has always been
part of the plan.
Thinking is good.
Thinking is fun!
Thinking for oneself
gets things done.
Don't be afraid.
It's not a crime.
Thinking is great.
So give it a try!"

Friday, August 1, 2014

Real World Changers

If the people who believe in God
would put as much time, energy and effort
into their own relationship with Him
as they do in trying to convince others
to believe in Him
(the same way that they do),
we would really (truly)
change the world.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Beotch, please!

The other night I watched a 1964 film called
"The Americanization of Emily"
with James Garner and
Julie Andrews.
It takes place in England during WWII.
He plays an American officer in the US Army
and she plays a nurse in the Royal Army.

Her character, Emily,
is a woman who has lost
 a husband, brother and her dad
in war related incidences.
Because of this
she has built some walls and defense mechanisms
to help protect her from the pain of losing loved ones.

His character, Charlie,
is cocky, arrogant, self-pleased and a little bit funny.

Needless to say, they fall in love.
Charlie asks Emily to marry him and after much
vacillating and rationalizing,
she finally agrees.

But as Charlie is about to board an airplane
which will take him to his station from which he will
storm Normandy,
they have a bit of a spat and
Emily tells him that she won't marry him.

Clearly frustrated, Charlie goes on a bit of a rant
and basically tells her that she has allowed fear to rule her
and keep her from being happy.
He evenly says to her,
"Emily, you are a bitch."
And it's true.
She was.
Although she was a caring nurse to the wounded,
the walls and defense mechanisms she had built around her
had caused her to adopt an air of superiority.

This scene from the movie caused me to reflect on
current American society
in which a large group of girls/women have
fallen into what seems to be a trend of
 the "Bitch Attitude".

While I understand that there are
reason and circumstances which have contributed to
and have led them there,
it doesn't make it right or good.

And while there are people who will choose to
love those who have adopted this attitude,
as Charlie clearly demontrated,
there comes a time when
enough is enough.

The same is also true for those
cocky, arrogant, self-satisfied
out there who have fallen for the trend and have adopted the
"Asshole Attitude".

Though these attitudes might make one feel better
for a time,
they aren't becoming or cute
nor do they empower a person,
rather they isolate and
  add to one's misery.

no one likes a Bitch or an
Asshole for very long.

And seriously,
I hope these trends fade away

Of course, by the end of the movie,
both Charlie and Emily see the error of their
ways,  reconcile and
 live happily ever after;
or so I presume.


Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Sex Isn't a Big Deal

"Sex isn't a big deal."

I said that a few weeks ago to
two of my children
(and a couple of their friends).
And within the context of our conversation,
I assumed that what I meant was clear.
yesterday, my youngest daughter
mentioned it to me and revealed that
she had mistook me as meaning something
entirely different than what I had intended!
We have always attempted to keep
the lines of communication open and clear
for our children about any subject they
wish to discuss.
No topic is taboo or off limits in our home.
But perception is a funny thing.
And without clear, open and free
things can easily become "sticky"
or convoluted.
So when I said,
"Sex isn't a big deal,"
I was implying that when you are in a
committed relationship/partnership
with another person,
sex is not necessarily at the forefront
of the relationship.
It is always an important part of the relationship,
but as life happens and
as time goes on,
sex is not as big of a deal as it was when
we were younger or new to one another.
In a healthy, loving relationship,
sex is a benefit rather than
 something we struggle to abstain from
something which we strive to obtain.
I'm thankful that Girl2 brought this up again
so that I could clarify my (very serious) comment
which she had perceived as being flippant!
Which goes to show that any kind of relationship
without clear communication is
a disaster waiting to happen!

Raising children in a safe, honest & open
environment is essential to their well-being
on into adulthood.
And I am so glad that we have chosen this path!
P.S.: My children (and friends) are teens/young adults and are
mature and capable of handling such topics of conversation.
No need to report me to the authorities for exposing
children to illicit conversation!

Friday, July 25, 2014

On Being in My Own Head

Want to hear some
Good News?
God has a desire for
and has made Himself
readily available for
with every one of us.
And after I shared
the other day
about being frustrated with
being in my own head so much,
He gently,
reminded me that when
I am in my "own head",
I converse with Him.
Sometimes I miss out on things
because I'm not fully present in
the physical moment.
But being in my own head
isn't a bad thing.
And just because
what I share isn't "relevant"
in the mind of one person
doesn't mean that it's not relevant at all.
It's relevant to me.
It's relevant to God.
it's worth my time to share.
Because what I share is
who I am.
And at the end of the day,
I know that when I retreat back
into my own head,
God is there,
ready for conversation.
And this is
Good News!

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Here's a Thought

The systematic killing,
mass murder
of any people group
by another is
regardless of
who's doing it.

It has everything to do with
man's pride
and the driving force behind it
absolutely nothing to do with
"God's will".

Frustratingly Me

I have a problem.
"Only one?" you ask.
Yes, well,
I have lots of problems
but one has been
frustrating me lately.
I have these blogs where
I want to write about
and share things,
every day things,
that people can relate to.
I find that I walk
through the daily,
mundane things of life
on auto pilot
and at the end of the day,
when I try to recall something
I can write about,
I come up blank.
Through the course of the day
I will "check in"
on social and/or news media
to see what's going on
"out there"
and before I realize it's happening,
my thoughts focus in on one thing
and I spend the day mulling it over -
and over -
and over.
Then BAM!
The day is gone.
It's time for bed
and I have nothing
(so I've been told)
to share.
I am too much in my own head.
And lately,
it's frustrating.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Startlingly Simple

Ever wondered why people
were so drawn to
without limits,
conditions or
He was
loving and
And He said,
"If you want to please God,
be like Me."
So simple.
And He said,
"Love God.
Love others."
That's it.
No further instruction needed.
Christians could sure
take some lessons
from Him.


Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Belief, History and Reality

In our vast
and diverse
there are a few
thoughts or beliefs
in which
most agree.
One is that there does exist
a Higher Power,
Great Spirit
who is Good.
Another is that
Good and Evil
do exist.
A third is that
Love and Hatred
are real and relevant emotions,
if not forces,
which we all deal with.

And fourthly,
history does repeat itself.
We know that where there is hatred,
there is strife.
But where there is Love,
there is peace.
So we surmize that
Love is rooted in Goodness
and that
Hatred is rooted in Evil.
 if we believe that
 the Higher Power,
Great Spirit -
has a hand in,
and is delighted
when one people group attempts
to obliterate
another people group,
then, sadly,
we have missed the point altogether.
history does
repeat itself.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Finding Laughter

I love a good laugh.
It's good for the heart;
good for the soul.
Indeed, I feel better
after a good laugh,
laughter doesn't come easily for me.
I guess
I'm too serious & introspective
I laugh far too little.
And I've observed, lately,
 that few people
actually do laugh these days.
You may be thinking,
"Lady, you're nuts.
People laugh all the time."
but I'm not talking about
cynical or ironic laughter
laughter at the expense of others.
I'm talking about
laughter for the fun
of laughing.
I don't know where
laughter has gone,
but I'm gonna find it!